I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
