Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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