When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
