"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
