whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
