and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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