Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
