I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did i just pee glitter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
