If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
