haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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