I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
