its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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