no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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