I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
