I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
