This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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