even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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