I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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