she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
