I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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