He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
