I feel like I'm in dance class right now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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