Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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