WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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