i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
