I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize