that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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