omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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