He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
