turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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