at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
