I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize