We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
