All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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