How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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