I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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