Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
