hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
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