im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
