My hand turned me down
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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