She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
