Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
