Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
