This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
