Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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