im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His hands were made for my vagina.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
