Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
