So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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