yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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