They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
