I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
