there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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