as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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