U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
