I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
