She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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