so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
please don't ironically join a cult
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