he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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