So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
