ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
