I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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