wanna go halves on a baby?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
